Dec 23, 2005 - Is it too late to mail myself to Iraq?

I'm pretty sure it's more peaceful than here. Not here as in "right beside me" but here as in "where my mother can find me.

It has started. The Christmas fun...also known as Nag-Guilt-Humiliate and Torture. It started with an innocent call to my mother (who I had to call so she would know aliens hadn't abducted me on the way home from work today)

Me: Hello?

Mum: Who's this? (she has two kids...one is in the kitchen listening tot he conversation....oh, I forgot to mention. MY MOM ALWAYS USES SPEAKERPHONE)

Me: It's me, your daughter, your first born. Remember?

Mum: What's up?

Me: I'm not dead, I finished work, grabbed a cab and came home.

Mum: Ok

Dead silence

Me: so....ummm....when is dinner tomorrow?

Mum: 5-ish.

Me: So late? We'll be opening presents all night. Can it be earlier?

Mum: no

Dead silence

Me: ok. Well I'll call when I've finished baking and picking up the pictures and wrapping and cleaning and dressing.

Mum: Can you be done for when your aunt and uncle come into the city? They could pick you up.

Me: Depends on when they're coming in. What time?

Mum: I don't know (making it sound like this is a reasonable response)

Me: Well, then, I don't know if I'll be ready when they come by.

Dead silence

Me: How about I call when I'm ready and if they're nearby, great.

Dead silence

Mum: Well..............umm.....I guess that would be ok........

Me: Great! Ok, well see you tomorrow. Oh, can you ask Daniel if he'll be Santa?

(note from me: Every year since forever I have sat beside the tree and given everyone their presents to open. I don't really mind it but it's not like I loved the position...I just fell into it. I didn't do it a couple of years ago because I felt ill....it was like the world crumbled for everyone else. READ THE GIFT TAG AND GIVE IT TO THE CORRECT PERSON!!!!! )

(Another note from me: Asking Daniel, my brother, is just a formalisty. Since I am opn speakerphone he can hear me. In fact he, his gf, his best friend, his freind's sister and the cats can all hear me...and I can hear them too.)

Mum: WHY? (think whiny.....whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

Me: Because

Mum: But why? (whyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

Me: Just because

Mum: But WHY? (whyeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)

(seriously, can anyone be this clueless? Do I SOUND like I want to discuss it? on speakerphone?)

Me: I don't want to talk about it. Just tell him he's doing it.

Mum: Because of Anxiety? Because you should get over that.

(there's a murmur in the background as the peanut gallery ponders this deep thought)

Me: Yeah. So. I'm going now. I smell like a greasy chicken. I'll see you tomorrow.

Mum: What time?

(I hang up and pretend I didn't hear the question because A) I'm pissed and B) It's probably the dumbest question I've ever heard after the conversation we just had about pick up times)

So, does anyone have a stamp? Because I'd rather face land mines than my family this year. And it's not even Christmas yet.